It's hard not to compare yourself to your peers.

their successes become your failures.

the fact that they are living in new york...and feeling their passions while you sit at home drunk in the midwest waiting for passions to ignite.

an ignition that may never come.

I hate being vulnerable and being the strong one in the family.

Side by side they glare like sun on the windshield of a car.

it's hard to be the stable strong one. When you are neither.

Phone calls to best friends that are never answered....especially when you need them.

I mean phone conversations are far and few between.

You'd think that one call would probably mean something important.

Living a lie?

It's interesting to think about the effects of class and privilege.

Life has been handed to those with the above mentioned.

zombie with no idea how to actually escape.

Looking back over my 23 years I've realized that I'm a very smart and talented individual and with that I'm spoiled.

Most of those years I was spoiled by my mother. Yes, I understand that parents want their children to grow up having much more than they had and elevated privileges.

Throw in mix of money and you end up being smart and apathetic. Lets take a look at public education: if you are slightly intelligent and can talk a good game and are able to read what the teacher wants. You are basically entitled to an A. Why? because you are placed and judged beside people that have no desire to go to school. Therefore, if you are expected by your family to graduate high school you will. Expectations are a pretty big part of it.

I was expected to graduate high school and not fail out.

So, I learned how to do the minimum amount of work for an A/B average.

What college are you going to? (no option in that department either)

So at college I use my intellectual skills in high school for the exact same thing.

Never striving. Never wanting anything more.

Graduation......yes, expectation!

After Graduating?.............................. basically not be dependent on the folks.

I've been sailing through life ; never wanting anything really.

An apathetic waste of space.

I blame myself but also the way I was raised.

The only way I can see myself becoming motivated. Passionate about anything is to Fail at something.

I don't think I can ever fail though.....too many nets are in place. Too many people to catch me.

I feel like I could easily become a worker bee. Just tell me what to do and I'll do it.....

Don't ask the question "Who are you" but "What excites you?"

I can't answer that. I don't know

It should be well known that I am a big fanatic of halloween. One of my favorite things to do is find halloween items that will A.Last a long time B. Versatile both in the halloween season and potentially in other seasons C. NOT gorey So I like looking around and window shop and maybe do some actual shopping but my halloween pics for today are: this martha stewart inspired pumpkin clock...although I would probably use it all year round

I've been eyeing this tall apothecary jar for umm...about forever. I like them because you can use the jars for just about every season and holiday.

This cake stands are really pretty and would be so cool for entertaining plus this set of 3 is like 16.99...

This is one of the newest things on my radar flickering light strings would totally be wicked just strung up anywhere.

Also no picture required but I'm also really digging halloween stamps or paper punches (so many things you can do with them!) and also halloween clip art and also black and white fabric...these are my halloween inspiration. I'll probably post again with some more inpirations and such

Phillip Curtis is one of my new favorite artists. Very surrealist but at the same time it leaves the viewer making up stories in their head. Many of his pieces are ones that don't tell a complete story. It's like viewing the middle of a story.

Words don't come to mind.

Stumble stumble stumble

mixed in a mass of microphones

Bleeding the song.

I truly believe that once you put the words in motion

they must continue to move..like an ocean

Formal writing: the cracked toe under a metal bed post

and the limp luggage after a long flight.

It's never a friend. a never ending circle of the wheres and the whats

with quotes and originality.

Artless.

Artless like the lions on 6th avenue.

Stone statues adorning kung pao's

Waiting the day to break.

So they can eat the owners.

Conventions. Can't stop them

we live within their borders. Both the real and the fake.

We sit in our lawn chairs and proudly say we are conventionless.

Though thats a convention in itself.

Happier times and places where learning isn't and doesn't feel like a convention.

I procrastinate sleep so I don't have lie awake and run the lists in my head.

Further myself from the dawning of the lions...remarkably thats on a list.

Let me get back to my roots.

Roots of happiness.

Sprouts of joy

and sandwiches of peace.

Lists and Lists

It's only in the most stressful times, when I can't work out my own feelings

This doesn't define who I am as a person or where I will end up in life.

It is a small stepping stone on a path to knowing who I am and what I will become one day.

Life is a circus, and I've come to realize that my coping mechanism is making people life.

________

I was nominated for a student leadership award. The email I received said basically congratulations and that in order for me to receive this award I would have to fill out an essay portion. Yes, in order to be considered.....I have to write an essay about how great of a leader I am. How self satisfying and bumptious (a really good word, that I just learned)

I think I'm going to write it however with the angle that I that I don't really deserve it because I was born this way and I've never done anything out of the ordinary, I've just continued being me.

Life is funny, when something you want happens......you sometimes realize it really wasn't meant to be and that you aren't ready.

Lately my new saying " No idea where I'm going to be in six months" and its true, really and I like it. As long as its far away from where I am now...physically, mentally, spirtually and maybe even morally....

I'm only human.

VLOG: I like Turtles and Leprechaun in Mobile, Alabama

This is good news friends, good news

A need

Lately I walk into food stores and get grossed out,

Why would I want to eat something that is unrecognizable?

Something that has been processed to the point that one can't see where it fits into the biology of the world. So, I started thinking why not make a rule of thumb? If I can't see what it is within one or two steps...don't eat it!

Now, I'm a fairly smelly person and before I was using mass amounts of aluminum deodorant and guess what, by the end of day it felt like my body actually ate it and then produced an odd biproduct. So, I started to use some natural deodorant, It was Tom's. Tom's was natural but guess what....by the end of the day I wasn't smelling the freshest. Then I started thinking why the Hex am I spending money on deodorant that doesn't work a full 12 hours?

So I started to do some research and found that a mixture of baking soda and cornstarch works as a great deodorant. So I tried it.

It's funny I've been using a mix of baking soda and cornstarch as deodorant and I still am a little unfresh by the end of the day so now I'm wondering if the bacteria isn't lurking in my actual shirts. So again with the researching, to find a more natural laundry cleaner ( I use Ecos but still there is all the processing of making all of those ingredients into what we think of as "Laundry cleaner" and lots of energy)

So I found this silly little thing called an ecoball there is an american version but that is the first thing that popped up on google.

Apparently it spits out ions that raises the water pH with no detergent needed. I looked for reviews and found out it is pretty much a crock of high fructose corn syrup. The product can produce ions but at a VERY small rate, it is like washing your clothes with just water.

Then, thanks to my daily calendar I started looking at soap nuts the fruits from the chinese soapberry tree. The fruits contain the natural detergent saponin and all you do is put a couple of nuts in a cotton drawstring bag and it lasts for a couple of loads. Which is really a great idea, when I get settled I'd love to plant a chinese soapberry tree and when my GIANT bottle of Ecos rund out I'd consider buying a big bag. Here are the two websites Maggiespureland and Naturoli, I think Naturoli has the better deal with a bag 32 oz bag of nuts enough for 320 loads but Maggie's looks more homegrown.

Then as I was stumbling I found this online organic magazine that talked about deodorant. I can't find the link but it talked about how our sweat releases the toxins in our bodies and I started to think how important that is ESPECIALLY for men who unlike the female species don't menstruate to get rid of the toxins. You can also tell how healthy a person is by the way they smell.

The verdict, hey I like saving money and I'm going to be smelly by the end of the day either way. Maybe I'll increase the 1/6 ratio of baking soda/ cornstarch next time and if I want to impress someone I can put a drop of lavender oil under there.

Well, that was a really long blog but its been brewing for a couple of days.

VLOG: Turtle + Shoe= Love

A new route

It isn't about the things we do or the money we have
it's about the lives we touch and the people we meet

It's about the relationships we have with other organisms on this planet.

and it isn't about reaching that place, it's about the journey getting there.

So here it is, We've left the Cinnamon Forest: the places a person can grow and develop and learn who they are and fit in the world, a place of wonder and enchantment, a place to escape the woes of everyday life.

The forest got too small and like it always has in the past, changes to its need. One day the caravan was sitting in the clearing, with the red paint still slick and wet with the animals rumbling and the calliope tuning up.

I can smell the cinnamon trees that went into the making of the these carts and cages, the forest will always be a part of me.

So lets hit the world and discover what new and fascinating people can be discovered.

I mean after all, I find enough interesting things on the internet, why not have a place to share them all?

What a great idea, brick/bottle Idea. I'd make one

A new Route

It isn't about the things we do or the money we have
it's about the lives we touch and the people we meet

It's about the relationships we have with other organisms on this planet.

and it isn't about reaching that place, it's about the journey getting there.

So here it is, We've left the Cinnamon Forest: the places a person can grow and develop and learn who they are and fit in the world, a place of wonder and enchantment, a place to escape the woes of everyday life.

The forest got too small and like it always has in the past, changes to its need. One day the caravan was sitting in the clearing, with the red paint still slick and wet with the animals rumbling and the calliope tuning up.

I can smell the cinnamon trees that went into the making of the these carts and cages, the forest will always be a part of me.

So lets hit the world and discover what new and fascinating people can be discovered.

I mean after all, I find enough interesting things on the internet, why not have a place to share them all?