Chaos and inner turmoil

When pyramids are stacked correctly, balanced,
and all things going according to plan.

Chaos, like a pesky raven, perches atop your balanced tower of life and skews the well-laid blocks.

When humans accept their unhappiness and chaos, it becomes a mantra and creates peace within. This peace evolves into happiness and light; creating a space in hearts, where happiness and love may enter. These intruding feelings are quickly subdued with doubt. Positive happenings, summon protective defenses that create inner turmoil, in an effort to ease the onslaught of happiness creeping into our lives.

Happiness is a foreign feeling. Inner turmoil is the human condition and even when things are happening in the best possible way, it descends on us like a plague.

I breathe and focus on the good things and try remembering the pleasure in the ride. The universe only means to teach me, and may end in sadness. If that is the case, through my sadness, Valuable lessons will educate on the path of life.

"When you find your path you must not be afraid.

You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes.

Disappointment defeat and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way. "

-Brida by Paulo Coelho

In a mix of all those right now. Kind of like the stages of grieving....

It's hard not to compare yourself to your peers.

their successes become your failures.

the fact that they are living in new york...and feeling their passions while you sit at home drunk in the midwest waiting for passions to ignite.

an ignition that may never come.

I hate being vulnerable and being the strong one in the family.

Side by side they glare like sun on the windshield of a car.

it's hard to be the stable strong one. When you are neither.

Phone calls to best friends that are never answered....especially when you need them.

I mean phone conversations are far and few between.

You'd think that one call would probably mean something important.

Living a lie?

It's interesting to think about the effects of class and privilege.

Life has been handed to those with the above mentioned.

zombie with no idea how to actually escape.

Looking back over my 23 years I've realized that I'm a very smart and talented individual and with that I'm spoiled.

Most of those years I was spoiled by my mother. Yes, I understand that parents want their children to grow up having much more than they had and elevated privileges.

Throw in mix of money and you end up being smart and apathetic. Lets take a look at public education: if you are slightly intelligent and can talk a good game and are able to read what the teacher wants. You are basically entitled to an A. Why? because you are placed and judged beside people that have no desire to go to school. Therefore, if you are expected by your family to graduate high school you will. Expectations are a pretty big part of it.

I was expected to graduate high school and not fail out.

So, I learned how to do the minimum amount of work for an A/B average.

What college are you going to? (no option in that department either)

So at college I use my intellectual skills in high school for the exact same thing.

Never striving. Never wanting anything more.

Graduation......yes, expectation!

After Graduating?.............................. basically not be dependent on the folks.

I've been sailing through life ; never wanting anything really.

An apathetic waste of space.

I blame myself but also the way I was raised.

The only way I can see myself becoming motivated. Passionate about anything is to Fail at something.

I don't think I can ever fail though.....too many nets are in place. Too many people to catch me.

I feel like I could easily become a worker bee. Just tell me what to do and I'll do it.....

Don't ask the question "Who are you" but "What excites you?"

I can't answer that. I don't know

It should be well known that I am a big fanatic of halloween. One of my favorite things to do is find halloween items that will A.Last a long time B. Versatile both in the halloween season and potentially in other seasons C. NOT gorey So I like looking around and window shop and maybe do some actual shopping but my halloween pics for today are: this martha stewart inspired pumpkin clock...although I would probably use it all year round

I've been eyeing this tall apothecary jar for umm...about forever. I like them because you can use the jars for just about every season and holiday.

This cake stands are really pretty and would be so cool for entertaining plus this set of 3 is like 16.99...

This is one of the newest things on my radar flickering light strings would totally be wicked just strung up anywhere.

Also no picture required but I'm also really digging halloween stamps or paper punches (so many things you can do with them!) and also halloween clip art and also black and white fabric...these are my halloween inspiration. I'll probably post again with some more inpirations and such

Phillip Curtis is one of my new favorite artists. Very surrealist but at the same time it leaves the viewer making up stories in their head. Many of his pieces are ones that don't tell a complete story. It's like viewing the middle of a story.

Words don't come to mind.

Stumble stumble stumble

mixed in a mass of microphones

Bleeding the song.

I truly believe that once you put the words in motion

they must continue to move..like an ocean

Formal writing: the cracked toe under a metal bed post

and the limp luggage after a long flight.

It's never a friend. a never ending circle of the wheres and the whats

with quotes and originality.

Artless.

Artless like the lions on 6th avenue.

Stone statues adorning kung pao's

Waiting the day to break.

So they can eat the owners.

Conventions. Can't stop them

we live within their borders. Both the real and the fake.

We sit in our lawn chairs and proudly say we are conventionless.

Though thats a convention in itself.

Happier times and places where learning isn't and doesn't feel like a convention.

I procrastinate sleep so I don't have lie awake and run the lists in my head.

Further myself from the dawning of the lions...remarkably thats on a list.

Let me get back to my roots.

Roots of happiness.

Sprouts of joy

and sandwiches of peace.