A Cinnamon Circus

We are all given a special place in this world. With that place, comes lessons. Lessons that usually help us to comprehend and understand the world around us or the world inside of us. When difficulties arise in either of those places it's hard to remember that everything has happened for a reason. The feelings I have for another human are exactly how I'm supposed to feel. By questioning those emotions that are hiding inside of our hearts, souls, and minds it helps us to interpret how our subconscious feels about the world. It makes those background thoughts and emotions tangible. Feelings, or rapid firings of synapse, are ones that have never been fired before. Making it our job and duty to unearth what in the wold we are Actually feeling. And why those feelings are there. The interpretation of those feelings is what maturity is. Immaturity is taking our initial feelings about the person and the situation at face value. It is taking the "why?!?!!!" out of our feelings and just letting those emotions run their course. Maturity is having the strength to step away from those feelings and questions and really understand where they are coming from.

All of the feelings that we express are a choice. Which would make me livid when my dad would say that. I hated that speech more than anything. Now, I understand what he was trying to communicate. That the there are two steps to every emotion. Feeling the initial emotion and then expressing that emotion.

Recently, I expressed bitterness to someone I cared about. After my initial response I pulled the reigns in and analyzed WHY?. I lashed out because I was excited to see them and was sad when they weren't as excited to see me.

The idea of being the person in a relationship who likes the other person MORE than that other person likes them is unnerving.

I hate the doubt and questions that go on inside my head .