Desert Time

"Run to the desert

You will see all that you need to see

Run to the desert
You will be all that you need to be"

There is something to be said of the desert. Other places in the world foster life and and growth. The energy is continously moving, shifting, regenerating, and dying. These are the places that foster the actions of our lives. Desert time is much slower. Yes things move, shift, and die but the pace is much slower. The slower pace and the transferrence of energy allows the minds of humans to focus on their own energy and how to best use that energy efficiently and effectively.

Think of a slow-growing desert cactus. Each spine and subsequent arm are carefully grown according to envirionmental conditions. When humans and deserts combine the result is the conservation of energy and the refocusing of that energy to help our own souls. A time of reflection.

I have lived in the green places of the earth for my entire life. My energy was focused to the outer world, fostering the universe and caring for others souls. When the desert became a part of my life, it changed the focus of my energy inward. When we nourish ourselves we are therefore nourishing the entire soul of the world.

We are all given a special place in this world. With that place, comes lessons. Lessons that usually help us to comprehend and understand the world around us or the world inside of us. When difficulties arise in either of those places it's hard to remember that everything has happened for a reason. The feelings I have for another human are exactly how I'm supposed to feel. By questioning those emotions that are hiding inside of our hearts, souls, and minds it helps us to interpret how our subconscious feels about the world. It makes those background thoughts and emotions tangible. Feelings, or rapid firings of synapse, are ones that have never been fired before. Making it our job and duty to unearth what in the wold we are Actually feeling. And why those feelings are there. The interpretation of those feelings is what maturity is. Immaturity is taking our initial feelings about the person and the situation at face value. It is taking the "why?!?!!!" out of our feelings and just letting those emotions run their course. Maturity is having the strength to step away from those feelings and questions and really understand where they are coming from.

All of the feelings that we express are a choice. Which would make me livid when my dad would say that. I hated that speech more than anything. Now, I understand what he was trying to communicate. That the there are two steps to every emotion. Feeling the initial emotion and then expressing that emotion.

Recently, I expressed bitterness to someone I cared about. After my initial response I pulled the reigns in and analyzed WHY?. I lashed out because I was excited to see them and was sad when they weren't as excited to see me.

The idea of being the person in a relationship who likes the other person MORE than that other person likes them is unnerving.

I hate the doubt and questions that go on inside my head .

Chaos and inner turmoil

When pyramids are stacked correctly, balanced,
and all things going according to plan.

Chaos, like a pesky raven, perches atop your balanced tower of life and skews the well-laid blocks.

When humans accept their unhappiness and chaos, it becomes a mantra and creates peace within. This peace evolves into happiness and light; creating a space in hearts, where happiness and love may enter. These intruding feelings are quickly subdued with doubt. Positive happenings, summon protective defenses that create inner turmoil, in an effort to ease the onslaught of happiness creeping into our lives.

Happiness is a foreign feeling. Inner turmoil is the human condition and even when things are happening in the best possible way, it descends on us like a plague.

I breathe and focus on the good things and try remembering the pleasure in the ride. The universe only means to teach me, and may end in sadness. If that is the case, through my sadness, Valuable lessons will educate on the path of life.

"When you find your path you must not be afraid.

You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes.

Disappointment defeat and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way. "

-Brida by Paulo Coelho

In a mix of all those right now. Kind of like the stages of grieving....

It's hard not to compare yourself to your peers.

their successes become your failures.

the fact that they are living in new york...and feeling their passions while you sit at home drunk in the midwest waiting for passions to ignite.

an ignition that may never come.

I hate being vulnerable and being the strong one in the family.

Side by side they glare like sun on the windshield of a car.

it's hard to be the stable strong one. When you are neither.

Phone calls to best friends that are never answered....especially when you need them.

I mean phone conversations are far and few between.

You'd think that one call would probably mean something important.

Living a lie?

It's interesting to think about the effects of class and privilege.

Life has been handed to those with the above mentioned.

zombie with no idea how to actually escape.

Looking back over my 23 years I've realized that I'm a very smart and talented individual and with that I'm spoiled.

Most of those years I was spoiled by my mother. Yes, I understand that parents want their children to grow up having much more than they had and elevated privileges.

Throw in mix of money and you end up being smart and apathetic. Lets take a look at public education: if you are slightly intelligent and can talk a good game and are able to read what the teacher wants. You are basically entitled to an A. Why? because you are placed and judged beside people that have no desire to go to school. Therefore, if you are expected by your family to graduate high school you will. Expectations are a pretty big part of it.

I was expected to graduate high school and not fail out.

So, I learned how to do the minimum amount of work for an A/B average.

What college are you going to? (no option in that department either)

So at college I use my intellectual skills in high school for the exact same thing.

Never striving. Never wanting anything more.

Graduation......yes, expectation!

After Graduating?.............................. basically not be dependent on the folks.

I've been sailing through life ; never wanting anything really.

An apathetic waste of space.

I blame myself but also the way I was raised.

The only way I can see myself becoming motivated. Passionate about anything is to Fail at something.

I don't think I can ever fail though.....too many nets are in place. Too many people to catch me.

I feel like I could easily become a worker bee. Just tell me what to do and I'll do it.....

Don't ask the question "Who are you" but "What excites you?"

I can't answer that. I don't know

It should be well known that I am a big fanatic of halloween. One of my favorite things to do is find halloween items that will A.Last a long time B. Versatile both in the halloween season and potentially in other seasons C. NOT gorey So I like looking around and window shop and maybe do some actual shopping but my halloween pics for today are: this martha stewart inspired pumpkin clock...although I would probably use it all year round

I've been eyeing this tall apothecary jar for umm...about forever. I like them because you can use the jars for just about every season and holiday.

This cake stands are really pretty and would be so cool for entertaining plus this set of 3 is like 16.99...

This is one of the newest things on my radar flickering light strings would totally be wicked just strung up anywhere.

Also no picture required but I'm also really digging halloween stamps or paper punches (so many things you can do with them!) and also halloween clip art and also black and white fabric...these are my halloween inspiration. I'll probably post again with some more inpirations and such