It's hard not to compare yourself to your peers.

their successes become your failures.

the fact that they are living in new york...and feeling their passions while you sit at home drunk in the midwest waiting for passions to ignite.

an ignition that may never come.

I hate being vulnerable and being the strong one in the family.

Side by side they glare like sun on the windshield of a car.

it's hard to be the stable strong one. When you are neither.

Phone calls to best friends that are never answered....especially when you need them.

I mean phone conversations are far and few between.

You'd think that one call would probably mean something important.

Living a lie?

It's interesting to think about the effects of class and privilege.

Life has been handed to those with the above mentioned.

zombie with no idea how to actually escape.

Looking back over my 23 years I've realized that I'm a very smart and talented individual and with that I'm spoiled.

Most of those years I was spoiled by my mother. Yes, I understand that parents want their children to grow up having much more than they had and elevated privileges.

Throw in mix of money and you end up being smart and apathetic. Lets take a look at public education: if you are slightly intelligent and can talk a good game and are able to read what the teacher wants. You are basically entitled to an A. Why? because you are placed and judged beside people that have no desire to go to school. Therefore, if you are expected by your family to graduate high school you will. Expectations are a pretty big part of it.

I was expected to graduate high school and not fail out.

So, I learned how to do the minimum amount of work for an A/B average.

What college are you going to? (no option in that department either)

So at college I use my intellectual skills in high school for the exact same thing.

Never striving. Never wanting anything more.

Graduation......yes, expectation!

After Graduating?.............................. basically not be dependent on the folks.

I've been sailing through life ; never wanting anything really.

An apathetic waste of space.

I blame myself but also the way I was raised.

The only way I can see myself becoming motivated. Passionate about anything is to Fail at something.

I don't think I can ever fail though.....too many nets are in place. Too many people to catch me.

I feel like I could easily become a worker bee. Just tell me what to do and I'll do it.....

Don't ask the question "Who are you" but "What excites you?"

I can't answer that. I don't know